Regaining meanings of life

Last three weeks I spent mostly in my bed with a very bad flu.

This disease is a result of a very long term stress. Actually, my stress was the reason of why I came back to Sri Lanka.

I tried to launch my photography studio in Ukraine and didn't succeed. Why did it happen? I failed, people around me failed, it was not right time, I was not right project. I betrayed people, people betrayed me. So many things happened.

My body started to talk to me in March when I got troubles with my immune system. Body always talks to us, we just need to listen. But I didn't listen. I considered myself as a "strong girl" and continued to fight... fight for what? I guess defending my ego and some fake values. Defending my face on media I guess - but in a fact, nobody cared. Nobody even noticed I had troubles.

"You look gorgeous, I don't believe you are sick" - that's what I heard all the time. Appearance can lie, and we never know what person has inside. That's what I've learnt so clearly this year. I continued doing modeling job  and being invited for the date almost every day. It made me feel even worse - because inside I felt totally broken and just wanted to be understood.

So in the end of august I took a decision to do something with my long term stress and bought a one way ticket to Sri Lanka. This decision was not easy. I got a lot of debts after failed projects despite I did many successful ones. I had great collaborations this year and earned not bad - but lost even more. It's really hard to share about it in my blog, but the reason I'm doing it is that I know that some of you also pass through darkness and reading about someone else's story similar to yours can really help. In my life all the greatest support I've got from people who were not even friends to me. It seemed like God was sending them to me just to hold my hand on the hard times. And it helped. 

So I would like to be that hand for you. Whatever you are facing right now just remember bad time won't last forever. And sometimes we just need to become patient. And humble. And it's the best weapon for our fight.

photos by Arantha Photography, Colombo, October 2019